I Don’t Want to Be in Charge Anymore
CEO and Founder has a nice, stressful ring to it. For a small business owner like myself, it means I’m the “do it aller”. And can I be totally transparent for a moment? I don’t like it. As a wife and mother, there are other lists of do-it-alls competing for my attention. I first snuggled up to the idea of relinquishing the title of CEO after a conversation with a trusted friend and advisor. He asked a pointed question during a business building session, “are you the best person to run your business day to day?” It was like a lightbulb went off. Someone besides me can do this better and would probably enjoy it more, I’m sure. I tucked the thought away and continued to forge ahead doing the things that I was supposed to do. Although I have seen growth over the past five years, I have also seen my share of stress. I’ve rolled my eyes at the emails from overly needy under-paying clients coming in. I’ve shrieked at the late invoices knowing that as the accounting department and the service deliverer, I’d have to remain balanced in all of my responses. I’ve used savings to make payroll. I’ve done all the things. And I’m tired.
One of the things I am guilty of on this journey is getting so wrapped up in the success of my clients that I neglect the basics for myself. I get tunnel vision towards helping them to the point that all of my creative energy is drained. And I end up serving my own business and personal goals from the leftovers. As a creative, sometimes that doesn’t leave much to work with. It can feel like all the good ideas are gone. Then I find myself frustrated and resentful. Ugh!
I recently heard the message “look again” in my spirit. When I returned to my original dreams and goals, I found that much of what I was doing had evolved into doing for others. My day-to-day actions were serving the vision and purpose of others more than my own. How did I get here? Fear. Straight up fear and comparison. And let’s not forget the pressure of social media. But the truth is, if I say “yes” to my own faith, vision, and purpose, I will still get to serve and support others. And it could be significantly less stressful than spreading myself thin to be all things to everybody.
As I reflect during this final quarter of 2022, I humbly acknowledge I no longer want to be in charge. I simply want to be on purpose. For me that looks a lot like writing and creating. It looks a lot like empowering those around me to be great in their purpose. It looks a lot like relinquishing control and trusting that as I realign my vision and values, all things will work together for my good.
I don’t know what it looks like specifically for EvyDani Books, but I do know there’s a purposeful pivot on the horizon. I’m not quitting, just transitioning into a space that serves me and my family better. I’m excited for the transition! Joy is returning. It’s part of the purpose.
I recently finished listening to Kevin Hart’s Monsters and How to Tame Them on Audible. Two of the monsters he discussed were the Control Monster and the Do-It-All Monster. I realize that listening to and being controlled by these monsters causes extreme fatigue and exhaustion. I’ve been there before and still am impacted by some of the results eight years later. As I continue in this transition period, I am taming both. There is strength and joy in letting go of the need for control and feeling like I have to do it all. I don’t. And that’s that.